Confident AF....

To all the ladies that that think they’re fat because you aren’t a size zero. 𝘠𝘰𝘶’𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘪𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘰𝘯𝘦. Society is the ugly one. Never fucking forget...when life gives you curves...𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐔𝐍𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌. 

I haven’t always been super confident. You see…I have battled body image issues most of my life. Not because of how I grew up. My mother is the most incredible, supportive, encouraging woman you have ever met. (I say this because I know a lot of people have body image issues because of the pressure from a parent.)

I honestly don’t know exactly when it started. All I remember is always being super uncomfortable in swimsuits. Even as a little girl. I grew up super active. (There was no reason for me to be self conscious.) I tried soccer. (Hated it.) I tried karate. (Hated that one too.) Then I found my true love…GYMNASTICS. For some reason leotards were ok because I was covered and I could wear "biker" shorts under to cover my thighs.

For years I hated the way I looked. I would wear layers, stand behind people in photos, try not to look at myself in the mirror, go after/ fall in love with the first guy to tell me I was pretty or show me any attention…you know…typical low self esteem stuff. 

Part of it stems from being a sexual assault survivor. <~~~~~Oh yeah. That part of my story. I will share a more in depth post about that…soon. Just know that I don’t let this chapter of my story define my life. I use it to fuel my epic badassery. (Yep…I make up my own words! You’re welcome!)

I finally came to a point in my life 5 years ago where I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror without an awful hate speech about my body. Something had to change and quickly. I couldn’t go one more day feeling sorry for myself and slipping into a deeper depression. 

My form of depression isn’t the can’t get out of bed or be around humans. I get super overwhelmed and go down that rabbit hole of comparison to others. It is an awful tailspin that takes some serious work to come out of. 

Anywho…back on topic. I figured out that I hate going to the gym. I mean “give myself a panic attack when I walk into a gym” type of hate. I mean..the nasty sweat smell. The gross humans that don’t clean off the machines after they use them. GROSS!!!! Holy germs! 

I started working out at home. Never thought that would work either. 5 years later and I am still doing it. I love who I am. I love every bit of me in the mirror! (Even though I am dealing with some stupid hormonal issues right now.) I think I am coming out on the other side of this craziness. 

This part is important. It took me 6 months to feel different. I had a really hard time seeing my doctors. (They were the ones that made themselves unavailable.)  Long story short...I fired all of my doctors and I am building my dream healthcare team. They listen to me and are doing everything to help me uncover why I am having weird symptoms.

I am finally back at a place in my life where I have been able to workout 5 days in a row. (It has been since May of last year that I have been this consistent. Between hormonal issues and recovering from one of those stupid city scooters. <~~~~Don't get me started on that trash. 

I am starting to feel like me again. My confidence is back in all aspects of life. I feel a weight lifted off my shoulders. Look...my body isn't where I want it yet...and that is totally ok. I am working hard to get it there...for ME! No one else. My head game is strong! This badass is going places! 

My advice here…if you have felt any of the things I talked about above…you have to find what is going to make you fall in love with your body. I promise that if I can do it…you can totally do it!!! I have total faith in you!! Don't have the confidence in yourself yet? Stick around..I will help you find that inner confident badass!

Until next time…

XOXO,

Dev