The Bold Badass is born...
2 years ago today, I escaped a very dangerous situation. Let me share a little about my story for those of you that have never heard it. This is a TRIGGER WARNING. If you have been in a situation with a narcissist and/or a sociopath…know that this is going to get deep. You may not want to continue reading!
February 4, 2018...It feels like it was 5 years ago but also feels like yesterday. I never in my wildest dreams thought that I would become a domestic abuse survivor. I have watched all the Lifetime movies and always thought they were over the top and not anywhere near the truth. That was until I lived my own version.
Looking back on the entire relationship I see all of the red flags that I completely ignored. I didn't share them with anyone because I thought I was overreacting. I also thought that things would pass. Things were so magical in the beginning. I fell in love. The super deep love. You know where you picture your life together and talk about what life will be like when you're old. Think about adoption and where you will buy a home.
All of that comes crashing down when he gets super drunk and has to give you his passcode to his phone. That is when I see that he has a sexting conversation going. I start to snoop, mind you I feel absolutely disgusting for doing so. This starts a horrible fight the next day. I later found out that he was on all the dating apps our entire 2 year relationship, had girlfriends and "side chicks" all over the country. Oh and the big kicker...he told me he was divorced...even went as far to show me divorce papers....they were fake. He was married the entire time. He still is. I ended up reaching out to his wife after the breakup and apologized for not knowing. She reached out 18 months later and asked me to help with the custody battle. (I declined. I am not getting sucked back into that HELL again.)
October 2017, my beautiful Poodle niece Bess was celebrating her first birthday and my sweet Savannah was invited to her party at Park Grounds. I told the bf the time and place and that I was taking Savannah. This caused a wonderful fight. You know the one where you leave and the entire time that you are out you check the time and don't want to be gone too long so that you don't have to deal with the repercussions. The name calling and the horrible things said to me should have been enough for me to pack my stuff and leave. Instead, I went a begged for forgiveness. (Saying that...it makes me realize how weak I sound.) I turned into a woman I never thought I would turn into. I had always been fiercely independent.
I met the bf out because he had a friend from high school come in town. He was mad at me for not cancelling my plans and going to this event. Instead I went to my event and wasn't very present and then left early to go make him happy. He and his friend from high school proceed to get completely trashed. I end up playing babysitter for his friend who has passed out, urinated, and vomited on herself in the single stall bathroom. I had to get half of the restaurant staff to help me because he was too drunk to help. I barely slept that night because I started to feel unsafe in my own home.
We broke up the first time over Veterans Day 2017. I had caught him in several lies and was so fed up. He was having a really bad episode when it came to his PTSD. I was actually scared for my life, so Ross came over and helped me start packing. He was supposed to be a Ft. Knox, but had sent me so messages quoting some texts that I had sent to my inner circle. There was no way for him to know what I sent unless he cloned my phone or was home and checking my computer.
I got home from work and got on my phone to see the last place my Facebook had been logged in and saw it was my laptop. I had not opened my laptop in a couple days, so he had to be back in town. Next thing I know...he is standing in front of me. I have never felt so afraid for my life. This man is a trained killer. I mean 20+ years in the military. Little did I know why he had to keep going to Ft. Knox. He punched a superior officer and was going to court hearings. ( I found this information out about a week before I left him.) I never thought he would lay a hand on someone in the military...especially a superior officer. This is what made me realize I wasn't safe.
Ross had gone out to his car and realized that my ex was back and in the house with me...alone. Ross snuck in and listened to our conversation. I heard him come in and he text to let me know he was there if I needed back up. For whatever reason...my stupid heart won that battle and I took the man back. I told him I would give him through the holidays.
Thanksgiving 2017...another scary night. The man wasn't invited to Thanksgiving with my family. Which really didn't matter because he was going to spend it with his kids....that was until he didn't. He decided to stay in Atlanta. Y'all that fight was AWFUL!!! Being the person that I am...I planned a second Thanksgiving meal for the 2 of us. I did Thanksgiving with the family and came home early to make an entire meal for him so that he got his fix. I found him drunk in his chair when I got home. He was texting is "best friend" who happened to be female. It never bothered me before but I noticed that he sent a text of himself in his bathrobe to her. He attempted to hide it from me. Something just didn't sit right with that.
He wanted to get the boys some Black Friday deals from Target and since he was passed out from too much Bourbon...I planned on being the good gf and grabbing the deals for him. He woke up as I was getting ready to go and rode with me. That was the night he told me that if he killed me, he knew what knife he would use. I laughed it off because making it a thing was definitely not a safe option for me.
I barely slept that night. That became a common thing. I never knew which version of him I was going to get from day to day. It got to the point that I tried to stay awake all night to make sure that I would be alive the next day and that Savannah was safe as well. My health was quickly declining. I wasn't eating much. I was going down a dark hole. I didn't know how I had let myself get into this position. The daily verbal manipulation made me feel like a person unworthy of love and respect. I felt so small.
This is when the plan was born. My brothers stepped up and helped me set up a plan of escape. I knew that if I stayed much longer that I wouldn't live to tell about it. You see the drunken threats were coming more frequently. The fact that I was forcing myself to have sex with this man made me feel like utter garbage. It went against everything I ever believed in. Yet I would sleep with him to keep from a fight escalating. I have never felt so empty in my entire life.
My brothers showed up at 10am Super Bowl Sunday. I had everything organized so well in the house that we got me completely packed in 2 hours. I couldn't pre-pack anything in fear that he would find out I was leaving. I caught a big break in January of 2018. He was stuck going back and forth to Ft. Knox for court hearings. I organized everything in the house and had all my things in 2 rooms so that all we had to do was drop things in containers and walk out the door.
I felt such a HUGE weight leave my shoulders when I got Savannah to our new place. I relaxed a little when I saw how relieved my pup was to be back where she felt safe. For a long time, I didn't think that I would ever feel like me again. I was afraid my hyper independence was gone forever.
I was wrong. It was buried deep inside of me. I was on the road to recovery. I knew the only way I would start my journey back to me was to jump into repair my mental health. My Mom saved me. She sent me to the Shaun T Transforms America Tour. That day changed my life. It was the stepping stone to finding who I was again.
Little by little my bold self was coming back. It has been 2 years of strategic recovery. It has been 2 years of focused mental health growth. It has been 2 years of building the truest form of me. I discovered a new drive inside of me. I discovered that I had transformed from victim to survivor mentality. I discovered my inner badass.
The Bold Badass was born.
Until next time...
XOXO,
Dev
February 4, 2018...It feels like it was 5 years ago but also feels like yesterday. I never in my wildest dreams thought that I would become a domestic abuse survivor. I have watched all the Lifetime movies and always thought they were over the top and not anywhere near the truth. That was until I lived my own version.
Looking back on the entire relationship I see all of the red flags that I completely ignored. I didn't share them with anyone because I thought I was overreacting. I also thought that things would pass. Things were so magical in the beginning. I fell in love. The super deep love. You know where you picture your life together and talk about what life will be like when you're old. Think about adoption and where you will buy a home.
All of that comes crashing down when he gets super drunk and has to give you his passcode to his phone. That is when I see that he has a sexting conversation going. I start to snoop, mind you I feel absolutely disgusting for doing so. This starts a horrible fight the next day. I later found out that he was on all the dating apps our entire 2 year relationship, had girlfriends and "side chicks" all over the country. Oh and the big kicker...he told me he was divorced...even went as far to show me divorce papers....they were fake. He was married the entire time. He still is. I ended up reaching out to his wife after the breakup and apologized for not knowing. She reached out 18 months later and asked me to help with the custody battle. (I declined. I am not getting sucked back into that HELL again.)
October 2017, my beautiful Poodle niece Bess was celebrating her first birthday and my sweet Savannah was invited to her party at Park Grounds. I told the bf the time and place and that I was taking Savannah. This caused a wonderful fight. You know the one where you leave and the entire time that you are out you check the time and don't want to be gone too long so that you don't have to deal with the repercussions. The name calling and the horrible things said to me should have been enough for me to pack my stuff and leave. Instead, I went a begged for forgiveness. (Saying that...it makes me realize how weak I sound.) I turned into a woman I never thought I would turn into. I had always been fiercely independent.
I met the bf out because he had a friend from high school come in town. He was mad at me for not cancelling my plans and going to this event. Instead I went to my event and wasn't very present and then left early to go make him happy. He and his friend from high school proceed to get completely trashed. I end up playing babysitter for his friend who has passed out, urinated, and vomited on herself in the single stall bathroom. I had to get half of the restaurant staff to help me because he was too drunk to help. I barely slept that night because I started to feel unsafe in my own home.
We broke up the first time over Veterans Day 2017. I had caught him in several lies and was so fed up. He was having a really bad episode when it came to his PTSD. I was actually scared for my life, so Ross came over and helped me start packing. He was supposed to be a Ft. Knox, but had sent me so messages quoting some texts that I had sent to my inner circle. There was no way for him to know what I sent unless he cloned my phone or was home and checking my computer.
I got home from work and got on my phone to see the last place my Facebook had been logged in and saw it was my laptop. I had not opened my laptop in a couple days, so he had to be back in town. Next thing I know...he is standing in front of me. I have never felt so afraid for my life. This man is a trained killer. I mean 20+ years in the military. Little did I know why he had to keep going to Ft. Knox. He punched a superior officer and was going to court hearings. ( I found this information out about a week before I left him.) I never thought he would lay a hand on someone in the military...especially a superior officer. This is what made me realize I wasn't safe.
Ross had gone out to his car and realized that my ex was back and in the house with me...alone. Ross snuck in and listened to our conversation. I heard him come in and he text to let me know he was there if I needed back up. For whatever reason...my stupid heart won that battle and I took the man back. I told him I would give him through the holidays.
Thanksgiving 2017...another scary night. The man wasn't invited to Thanksgiving with my family. Which really didn't matter because he was going to spend it with his kids....that was until he didn't. He decided to stay in Atlanta. Y'all that fight was AWFUL!!! Being the person that I am...I planned a second Thanksgiving meal for the 2 of us. I did Thanksgiving with the family and came home early to make an entire meal for him so that he got his fix. I found him drunk in his chair when I got home. He was texting is "best friend" who happened to be female. It never bothered me before but I noticed that he sent a text of himself in his bathrobe to her. He attempted to hide it from me. Something just didn't sit right with that.
He wanted to get the boys some Black Friday deals from Target and since he was passed out from too much Bourbon...I planned on being the good gf and grabbing the deals for him. He woke up as I was getting ready to go and rode with me. That was the night he told me that if he killed me, he knew what knife he would use. I laughed it off because making it a thing was definitely not a safe option for me.
I barely slept that night. That became a common thing. I never knew which version of him I was going to get from day to day. It got to the point that I tried to stay awake all night to make sure that I would be alive the next day and that Savannah was safe as well. My health was quickly declining. I wasn't eating much. I was going down a dark hole. I didn't know how I had let myself get into this position. The daily verbal manipulation made me feel like a person unworthy of love and respect. I felt so small.
This is when the plan was born. My brothers stepped up and helped me set up a plan of escape. I knew that if I stayed much longer that I wouldn't live to tell about it. You see the drunken threats were coming more frequently. The fact that I was forcing myself to have sex with this man made me feel like utter garbage. It went against everything I ever believed in. Yet I would sleep with him to keep from a fight escalating. I have never felt so empty in my entire life.
My brothers showed up at 10am Super Bowl Sunday. I had everything organized so well in the house that we got me completely packed in 2 hours. I couldn't pre-pack anything in fear that he would find out I was leaving. I caught a big break in January of 2018. He was stuck going back and forth to Ft. Knox for court hearings. I organized everything in the house and had all my things in 2 rooms so that all we had to do was drop things in containers and walk out the door.
I felt such a HUGE weight leave my shoulders when I got Savannah to our new place. I relaxed a little when I saw how relieved my pup was to be back where she felt safe. For a long time, I didn't think that I would ever feel like me again. I was afraid my hyper independence was gone forever.
I was wrong. It was buried deep inside of me. I was on the road to recovery. I knew the only way I would start my journey back to me was to jump into repair my mental health. My Mom saved me. She sent me to the Shaun T Transforms America Tour. That day changed my life. It was the stepping stone to finding who I was again.
Little by little my bold self was coming back. It has been 2 years of strategic recovery. It has been 2 years of focused mental health growth. It has been 2 years of building the truest form of me. I discovered a new drive inside of me. I discovered that I had transformed from victim to survivor mentality. I discovered my inner badass.
The Bold Badass was born.
Until next time...
XOXO,
Dev
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